Mi abuelita esta en el hospital.
Mi grandma is in the hospital.
She had a stroke yesterday morning and has been in intensive care since. The most current news from my sister Claudia is that she has been tied down due to aggressiveness, she will have memory failure, and they will not let the family see her. My dad and my aunt Pichi are not too good, both of them probably feeling unimaginable pain. But maybe not as much pain as my grandma. She has a temporary pace maker and again, according to Claudia, they are talking about doing surgery to unclog the artery that is killing her and put a permanent pace maker.
The whole situation has me in a weird place emotionally.
Of course I am deeply saddened, worried, scared that mi abuelita as I last saw her exists no longer. I will cherish the few memories I have of her. The most prominent is the one of her dancing. She was so carefree. Coincidentally I have a small memory of my mom dancing. She had the same look of complete inhibition.
I hate that I am so far away. That I cannot just teleport to the hospital. I want to be supportive.
At the same time, I feel slightly hurt at the fact that my dad didn't tell me what happened when he told Chinita. And I doubt it is because he forgot. He even later sent me a message telling me to ask if Chinita had seen his messages. But that is it. Nothing about what it was about. Then, Chinita posts on fb that she is worried about mi abuelita. Alarms go off in my head. I text her and tell her dad's message and she says she already replied. Then she fills me in that abuelita had a stroke. Hours later, after seeing my response on Chinita's post, my dad messages me to tell me what happened.
I don't know...as I write this I realize that I may be overreacting. Okay, dad didn't tell me. But in his defense he has a lot of things going on. Important things. Things that may make him not even think about informing his youngest daughter. Ugh, I do not know! I feel like there is no right answer. He should have told me. I shouldn't be mad, though.
In conclusion, I am worried.
I love her very much. Losing her without being able to enjoy her more...is very painful. I am thankful for the small amount of time I did have. It was not wasted.
