Life has changed again for me.
This time, I am in a house that has seen better years. But all I see are the future years of growth and improvement. What this house has been through not only includes Juan's childhood, but that of his parents and before them. Too see it grow will be inevitable.
I have noticed that my thought process has changed. I really am not the same person I was in January of last year.
I've noticed that the repetitive fights I've had with Juan have been leaving their mark. I do not clam up. I am more sure of what I want yet I am willing to seriously consider what Juan says. We grew up in two different mentalities. I had the one with sunshine and rainbows. I thank my parents for letting me have that. But at an early age, Juan already knew that the world was a horrible place with bad people that did bad things. He knew it so well, he thrived in that environment and relished off the power it gave him.
But what I think that is happening is I am beginning to understand more. I am letting go of my old ways of thinking, AKA my "bubble," and actually letting reality in. It is costing me more than I thought it would. I remember a few years back rejoicing about maturing. As I reflect on that moment now all I can think is, "Dora, you never grew up! You are still a child! Dumb ass." And it is in this realization that I comprehend that what a needed is what I am getting now. A new way to think. Logic in the real world.
I like where we are. Tijuana is interesting. It has so many secrets. Some are great and others not so much. But the great ones are pretty great. I've gotten so used to just "going with the flow" that I don't really sense a big environment change. Actually I feel pretty comfy.
I pretty much have taken a CHILL PILL...there will always be time to stress.
