Train of Thought (choo choo)

(In the background Lana Del Rey's song Radio is playing)

The train tracks are not long, but they do take you to mang unimaginable places. One of these places is understanding. 

I arrived to this place about 20 minutes ago as I pondered my earlier work day.

(Now playing Florence + The Machine, Swimming)

I pondered many things, but mostlt people. My coworkers to be specific. One in particular whom I shall call Veronica. For some reason I've always felt a lot of antagonism from her. I, up to this point, had always assumed the reason was

(Music change to Angus and Julia Stone, Big Jet Plane acoustic version)

she still had strong feelings for my boyfriend. But although I tried to find ways to make that reason fit, I always felt like it was something different. 

As I rode those tracks of understanding I realized that lately I had been trying to get her to like me. I want to note that the specific words I used, "Get her to like me," were used because the whole thing seems childish to me. But regardless, here I was, trying to think of things to say that would interest her or things I can share about myself that could ease our tense relationship. 

Today in particular, I bought her a slurpee. When I handed it to her she said verbatim, "Oh I love you." I know she didn't mean actual love but the phrase is normally said when you are absolutely gracious and pleased with a person. I frankly, enjoyed hearing it.

(Missed an earlier song change cue to Lorde, A World Alone...sorry)

So back to why I was trying to say is that when I began dating my boyfriend, I had essentially "taken" away one of her best friends and work buddy. And I think seeing him with someone else hurt her but knew that it was supposed to be that way. That is where the antagonism came from. The heart of the problem is that I took one of her best friends, ex-boyfriend's (because they did date),

(Lana del Rey, Ride)

and attention giver. I think that now that some time has passed she is coming to accept it and give me a chance to be friends. And I am trying harder because I think it is important to be friends. We both care about my boyfriend and something important to him is important to us.

(Sia, Breathe Me has just begun to play)

When I finally reached understanding station I felt relieved. I no longer had to worry about her intentions. That I can actually let me guard down around her.

I guess my workday had been very productive today. While I did not know where my tracks led, I now see that the truth had been there all along. I just needed to find a place of understanding.