Well maybe the Christine thing bothered me a little more than I let on. But I do not know how to let Juan know how I feel when I can barely describe it to myself. I think my inability to express my emotions out loud is getting to be old real fast. I need to be honest with myself and let my opinions and ideas be heard. I need to stop trying to keep the peace and just let it out instead of bottling it in.
I told Juan that I would work on it. Letting it continue happening is not working on it. But I honestly cannot figure out what is up with me.
Just recently I got super mega depressed all of a sudden. Juan and I went to buy Mexican food and once we got the house I took one bite and almost spat it out. I had lost my appetite. I also wanted to get some doritos, but when I walked in the bathroom, I just looked around and walked out again. It felt strange. I laid down and decided that maybe veg-ing out was the best thing to do since I had no desire to do anything all. But even that was asking too much. Finally I told Juan I was going to close my eyes. Instead I started crying and now Juan is asleep.
Its fucked up how little I know about myself. I hate that I cannot control my own emotions or at least explain to myself why I feel a certain way.
I think bottling things up is getting out of hand.
I need to get my ass to the gym.
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