Lana made me do it

The other day I was waiting for the bf to finish in the bathroom and as I stared into space, high and relaxed, an interesting epiphany began to take form. As I thought about my bf and I another strain of thoughts went towards my ex. Specifically I wondered to myself why I could never fully give myself to him. During sex I was always reserved and revolted at the thought of having to work towards something that 98% of the time never came. But with my bf I crave him so badly my body shakes in pleasure when I finally kiss him or suck his glorious cock. 

I thought about the stark differences. I almost always cum now.  But I cant seem to give him enough pleasure to satisfy my urges. It is a new sensation for me, really. I remember the ex being that way though. I truly didn't love him as much as he loved me. I justified my life with him because he was a good provider and I knew Id always be ok. 

When I think of relationships I think of cavemen. As a woman you chose a man that can provide security and comfort. As a man you chose a woman that is agreeable to the eyes, good in bed, and can nurture both the man and the children. Sometimes I think of this and compare my bf to the "ideal man." He knows how to defend himself, he is highly intelligent, idealistic, and a kid at heart. His heavy past has equipped him with the tools to defend himself both mentally and physically. I really believe he is headed for greatness. He reaches high marks in each area. His weaknesses, though, are what seals the case. I can see his pain and to be able to give him something good brings me so much pleasure. 

With my ex, I never felt his weaknesses. He never let me in. Thus I never let him in.